Denied All These Years
by BronBoop
Summary: Six years have passed since the students of the Holy Forest Academy had parted ways. But two students find themselves drawn back to the place where words were left unsaid. Kikuchi x Kanzaki.


Disclaimer: I do not own GTO or any of the characters associated with it. I wish I did, but if that were the case, this scene would have been animated a decade ago. Oh well.

I haven't actually watched or read anything GTO-related in years. But I recall how much I loved these two characters. So please pardon the inconsistencies with the story. I've inserted a few creative liberties here and there, but I've tried to stay true to the Kanzaki and Kikuchi we've all come to love. Enjoy :)

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><p><strong>Denied All These Years<strong>

The minute Kanzaki Urumi hopped off the train, she knew this visit to Tokyo would bring more than her previous visits. It's the kind of instinctual feeling that not even a genius would be able to explain. She walked the usual route that led to the bus stop, the one where other Holy Forest Academy students would wait. She had been one of those kids, once. It felt like such a long time ago.

_These streets feel as if they're frozen in time. Everything looks almost exactly the same as when I left._

She passed by some of the spots she used to hang out in. The bookstore near the school, a café that served shaved ice, a tiny bar where she had frequently seen the Great Teacher stumble out of in a drunken stupor. She even remembered the lamp post Onizuka almost hit when she hitched a ride on his motorcycle.

Urumi got on the bus and didn't really bother with picking a destination. She just wanted to see the sights as she would have six years ago. In her mind, Urumi could fill in the faces of the people around her with those of people she had known years ago.

As she turned her head to look at one of the bookstores she frequently visited in search of classical American novels, she could vaguely make out one of its patrons. There stood a slender man with dark brown hair and a pair of glasses. She wouldn't admit it, but her heart had skipped a beat at the possibility that she's looking at the only person who could do that with just one clever quip.

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><p>Yoshito Kikuchi had never intended to stay this long in Tokyo. He just wanted to visit some family members, the ones who were worried that his newly single lifestyle would lead to his demise. <em>Petty worries from petty minds. I won't ruin my life just because of a relationship.<em>

The word was out that he had broken off his engagement with a girl he went to University with. He didn't want to dwell on it, but people kept on insisting that it's a big deal. He'd shrug them off, but people have a persistent need to dwell on other people's drama. It was pathetic.

His initial intention to stay for a weekend extended to an entire week… And then it became two. He was able to do his job with just a laptop and an internet connection, so being away from his office in Osaka wasn't such a big deal.

To be honest, he felt relieved the moment he arrived back into this familiar part of the city. It was nostalgic in the way a painful lesson was nostalgic. And while some of his classmates, if they deigned to come back to here, would recall all the fun, carefree moments, Kikuchi's mind would only wander to one person… Kanzaki Urumi.

When it comes to seeing her again, the odds were slim. She'd have been the first to bolt the moment she could. And she did for a good reason. But a part of him wished he could see her again. Maybe that's what compelled him to go to the local bookstore every chance he could.

* * *

><p>"Yoshito."<p>

A woman called his name with such surety that Kikuchi could have sworn it was a foreigner talking. As he turned around, he thought he saw a ghost. A graceful blonde ghost with a curious look on her face.

"Kanzaki?" He squinted his eyes, despite the glasses he wore. _Do I need a new prescription? Are my eyes toying with me?_

"In the flesh. I never really thought I'd run into any of you guys again."

"The odds are high that you would, when you visit the area during a school break. It's nice to see you again, Urumi." The calmness in his voice masked the trepidation he felt as she came closer to him.

Yoshito Kikuchi, a man who valued logic and reason above all else, whose fears were often placated by brushing them off with an explanation, didn't know what scared him more: the fact that his wish, against all odds, had come true, or the fact that this moment could kill any sort of hope he had of being honest with what he truly felt.

* * *

><p>They decided to continue their conversation at a coffee shop nearby. The light atmosphere and the jazzy, cheerful music of the café failed to mask the heaviness that lay within their minds.<p>

"I never really thought I'd run into any of you guys again." Urumi started with the same sentence she had uttered when they saw each other near the local bookstore. She's been stirring her tea for what seemed like ages. "Least of all, you."

Kikuchi brought his cup of coffee to his lips and took the tiniest sip. _Nothing like a bit of bitterness to mask the bitterness. _It's always a riddle when it comes to trying to find out what Urumi wants to say, or wants you to understand. "Least of all me. What ever could you mean?"

Urumi tried to hide a mischievous smile, and failed. She knew that Kikuchi has always looked at her with some form of admiration, and sometimes it was tinged with a hint of desire. But he never spoke of it. He never acted on it. The only thing that gave him away was the way he'd look at her for a second too long, the way he'd sit just an inch closer to her. The way he would speak to her in a tone he never used with the other girls in their school.

"I know more about you than you think I do. It's not that you hated this place or anything," she gestured at their surroundings, the town where their class had wreaked havoc, the place where their adventures with Onizuka had transpired. "But you went off to university and never looked back. If I had known better, I'd have thought you got chased out. I even heard rumors that you were engaged."

He was startled by how much she knew. It's not that she'd be lacking the means to find out. Rather, he was unsettled that she even bothered to find out anything about him. "You always listen to idle gossip?"

"Do you deny it?" She raised her eyebrow.

"Hmm." He said, trying to avoid the all too familiar topic of his broken engagement, "I guess you can only run so far away from the folly of youth before you find yourself dragged back in. It's like revisiting that part of yourself that you want to forget, but at the same time, you never want to let go of."

"Go on…"

"I was an asshole to my teachers. You know that much, and you were a different kind of demon to them, yourself. But I guess what bothered me about this place isn't what I did to the people around me. What bothers me is what I wasn't able to do while I was here. I could have changed the course of my life, if I hadn't been too caught up in trying to run and be a so-called better person."

"And have you become worse, Yoshito?"

The way his name oh-so-causally formed on her lips both excited him and scared him. It was one of the easiest ways to manipulate a person, using their name with such surety. He mentally tried to keep himself composed. "Worse, no. More regretful is more like it."

Urumi tilted her head to rest on her hand. She looked like a curious little puppy. But to those who knew better, she looked poised tocatch her prey. "You regret not going through with your engagement, then?"

"You know what I'm talking about." It irked him that she knew the right questions to ask, only to play dumb and act all innocent when he gave his answers.

Sure, he had regrets when it comes to his broken engagement. But the greater regret lay in the fact that he even bothered to get into a relationship with the woman he had been engaged to. _Hiromi._ The blonde beauty every guy at their university had a crush on. _Hiromi. _Even their names sounded similar. Nothing was wrong with her, per se. She'd have been a great wife, and possibly a great mother. She was quite clever, too.

But what bothered him sometimes was when he'd wake up next to her, and instead of the sweet innocent face of his beloved, he'd see a beautiful blonde with mismatched eyes and a defiant look on her face. He'd think Hiromi was being philosophical, as Urumi was wont to do, when in fact she was just being naïve. He hated himself for seeing someone else in Hiromi, who loved him with all her heart.

In the end, despite the fact that he had proposed, or that he had been coerced into proposing by Hiromi's family, he had to end it. He never told her why, exactly. But Kikuchi felt that Hiromi somewhat knew that he looks at her as if she were someone else.

Kikuchi couldn't help but blame Urumi. But it wasn't even her fault. In fact, she probably didn't know or didn't care about the effect she had on him. He hated the fact that after six years of not even seeing Urumi or hearing from her or even hearing about her, she still had that unwavering effect on him. As if he was a nerdy schoolboy all over again.

"I wish you spoke up." Urumi broke his reverie with her soft voice, but her eyes were fixed on the tea that she found herself stirring again.

"You can hear me just fine." _I'll use your own moves on you._

She looked at him with a mixture of disdainful sarcasm and slight amusement. "I wish you spoke up _six years ago_. Before we went off on our separate ways."

_What makes her think I didn't want to? But I couldn't compete with the way Onizuka makes her feel. Then again, I guess I saw attraction when there wasn't any. It was more of a curiosity that she had with him. Yes, she wanted to be with Onizuka, to follow him wherever he went. But I later realized that her quest to "capture" him was out of the same morbid curiosity that plagues those who are left confused by the things they don't understand._

_But even if Onizuka is now conveniently married and out of the way, the way Urumi leads men on scares me like nothing else. But it's also what draws me to her. If I had spoken up back then, who's to say she wouldn't laugh in my face? I'm not one to take such a risk._

"What use would it have been, if you already knew how I felt for you? You'd have shoved it in my face and left me hanging. Or worse, you could have used me as a pawn in one of your little games."

Urumi leaned back on her chair and crossed her arms. She didn't even bother to hide the irritation in her voice. "The thing with you, Kikuchi, is that you were so fixated on how _you _felt and how_ I'd_ use it against you. You never even considered the notion that maybe I'm capable of being attracted to someone. That maybe I might feel something for you."

"I—"

She continued, unperturbed by his interruption. "You, all of you, think that I'm just a manipulator, and that I see every single one of you as a pawn. All you see is Kanzaki the smart girl, the genius, the one with the troubled past. None of you bothered to check if I had a pulse underneath it all. You were the only one smart enough to see that I'm every bit as human as the rest of you. But you let yourself be scared off by the attention I paid to our resident nutcase of a teacher."

There was a passion in her voice that Kikuchi had never seen before. This wasn't the feigned passion she used when she's trying to seduce an unwilling victim. It was genuine passion that made her voice crack. It made her hesitate. It was unrehearsed and devoid of trickery. It felt real.

Kikuchi opened his mouth, and closed it again, like a fish gasping for water. He didn't know what to say. On the one hand, she's admitting that she felt—FEELS something for him. On the other hand, he had just pissed her off beyond repair that she might be detonating a bomb beneath the table right at that moment.

He had no words. So he did what he could only wish he had done six years ago. He reached across the table and placed his hand over Urumi's. With a voice filled with trepidation, he said, "Maybe… Maybe we can pick up where we left off. If… I… It's not fair that you know I've always been in love with you, and yet you let me grope in the dark for some sign that you see me the same way."

His mouth felt dry, and all he could stare at was his hand covering her slender fingers. He was afraid to look into Urumi's unsettlingly beautiful eyes, lest they be filled with disgust, or worse, pity. He could hear her taking a deep breath. He could see from her shadow that she was looking away. But all throughout, she never took her hand from underneath his.

_Onizuka could have swept me off my feet if he had wanted to. _She mused to herself, _But he never did. And part of me is glad that he never tried, at least not after he got to know me. Simply because I knew there would be nothing there for me. Unlike Kikuchi, Onizuka couldn't keep up with the philosophical debates that I craved with other people. Onizuka may have been clever in his own way, but Kikuchi… How can you describe someone so similar to yourself when you can't even describe your own personality?_

_Kikuchi could be volatile, like me. He could stay quiet and alone for hours, if only to contemplate some idea that caught his interest, like me. Kikuchi has doubts about his own emotions because he thinks they're not real or because he thinks they're folly, just like me._

_Do I love him? After years of not seeing him, can I say that I love him? No. Possibly not. But there's something there that never went away. In all the languages I know, I can't even think of a word for it. You're the only one who has ever done this to me, Kikuchi. And for that, I can't forgive you. For that, I can't let you go…_

Finally she said, "Kikuchi. Look at me."

He looked up despite himself.

"Where are you staying?"

* * *

><p>Kikuchi opened his eyes to the LCD screen of the hotel alarm clock and the dim lamp beside it. He squinted his eyes and read that it was 1:28 in the morning. The air conditioning of his modest hotel room didn't seem to be working as he felt a little too warm… and a bit sweaty. <em>It still beats staying with my family for the weekend.<em>

As he tried to get up, he realized that there was a weight on his right arm, beneath the covers. Still groggy, and very much puzzled, he peeked under his blanket and saw the top of a blonde head. He took his glasses from the nightstand and hastily put them on.

Lying on his chest was the unmistakably naked figure of Urumi Kanzaki. Her legs entwined with his, and her hand secured his arm around her. He could see the curve of her waist and how it flared out onto her modest backside.

As he inhaled her scent, the memory of everything that happened as soon as they stepped into his hotel room came rushing back like a tidal wave.

_The way he slowly unzipped the back of her dress._

_The way her blonde hair looked on her naked back._

_The traces of sweet tea still lingering on her lips._

_The feel of her smooth porcelain skin under his fingertips._

_The softness of her breasts, of her hips, of her thighs as he lifted her up, of her tongue as she pleasured him to the brink of ecstasy._

_The way she tasted… down there._

_The way she arched her back as his tongue and fingers caressed her sex, making her moan and scream his name, over and over._

_The way it felt to be united with her, to be inside her. Her soft, tight warmth enveloping him as she climaxed to his thrusts._

_And finally, the way he had climaxed inside her, and the fact that her only protest was when he pulled himself out of her._

Just thinking about it was enough to make him hard again. He gently caressed her back with the feather-light touch of his fingers, both hesitant to wake her up and hoping she would so that they can make love again.

"Mmm… Kikuchi, I'm ticklish." She mumbled lazily. She slid her leg across his thighs and heaved herself on top of him. Resting her head on his chest, she gently caressed his forearms. _He has always been slender, but he was never scrawny. I like how he's so lithe and graceful-looking. As if his body, like his personality, only conveyed what was necessary, nothing more, nothing less… And right now there's a part of him that's conveying a little more than it was a minute ago._

"Urumi…"

"Hmm?" She looked up at him, her unique eyes searching his face for a sign of what he wants. At that moment, realizing just how handsome Kikuchi had become since they last saw each other. Gone was the lankiness of youth, as it was replaced by stronger features. Only his eyes, his nearly blind yet inquisitive eyes, stayed the same.

To Urumi's surprise, he bent his head and kissed her. Not the passionate kiss that preceded lovemaking. No, it was the sweet, seemingly innocent kiss that you would give when you felt disarmed by the sight of the one you've always desired. It was instinctual, and maybe a bit too sweet for Urumi's taste. But he didn't care.

She rested her head on her hand and leaned in closer to him. "Have you always been such a giving lover? Or are you just like this because you're scared that I might turn you away?"

Kikuchi chuckled, the heaviness in his mind had dissipated the minute their lips met. "You could say I just wanted to know what you look like when pleasure takes over reason. And I never truly expected you to sound incoherent when I've got you all worked up."

She pinched his forearm and rolled off him to face the opposite direction, in defiance of what he just said.

He smiled and embraced her from behind, sliding his arm under her head, and resting his other hand low on her belly. "Don't worry. I enjoyed it. It's just a stark difference from that self-assured way you… do everything."

"You make it sound as if making love with me were some sort of experiment. I wouldn't be surprised if you were jotting down notes halfway through!"

"So it was love we were making then? You won't delegate some other emotionless, vulgar word to what we were doing earlier?" He teased her by drawing random little circles on her belly, inching lower and lower with each swirl.

"I won't be baited into saying what you already know."

"But won't you indulge me, Urumi?" He punctuated his sentence by kissing her lightly on the shoulder. "Just this once? To make up for all the years we've denied it?"

She relaxed her shoulders and gave in to his teases. "I have affectionate feelings towards you, Kikuchi. I have back then, and I still have them until now. Is that fine or would you like something more poetic? Perhaps in French?" She scoffed at him.

Not content with just her shoulder, he playfully nuzzled her neck, which elicited a soft moan from Urumi. "It's as good as any other."

"What, I thought the routine was that when someone professes their feelings, the other follows suit? Or are we beyond such trifles?"

Kikuchi laughed and playfully bit the crook of Urumi's shoulder. "Aa. But while others like to speak of how they feel, there are those who prefer to show it."

And with that he let his hand wander even lower.

* * *

><p>They explored each other countless times that night. Once again in bed, another on the kitchen counter, on the floor, and once as they shared the shower. Each touch, each kiss, and each thrust, more hungry than the next. It was as if they were making up for lost time. The lack of sleep only served to make them both lightheaded.<p>

As dawn grew near, Kanzaki and Kikuchi wrapped themselves in a blanket at the foot of the bed to stave off the fatigue in their muscles. Urumi sat in front of Kikuchi, with her head resting against his chest. Kikuchi wrapped his arms around her waist, as if he were scared that she'd suddenly get up, get dressed and walk away from him again.

"Not a lot of things scare me you know. But I think I've found a new one to add to the list." He said as he nuzzled the top of her head.

"Oh, what's that?"

"I'm afraid that after this, you'll consider it closure. And the next time I see you, you'd be over this whole thing."

"You're afraid I might walk out today and you'll never see me again."

"Yeah," he said as he tightened his embrace. "And a part of me wishes that none of this happened. Because if I never knew what it would be like to have you, then I won't have to deal with losing you. It's a risk. And I've never been one to take such huge risks, especially not for the sake of emotions."

He couldn't see her face. He had no idea what she was thinking. But it felt both liberating and terrifying to have to bare his heart out to this enigma of a woman in his arms. She's here physically, but he never could tell how far away her mind might be.

"Would you take me with you?" She asked without looking at him.

"With me where? To Osaka?" He asked, genuinely not comprehending what she's talking about.

"Yes. To Osaka. Why, are you afraid your roommates might not approve?" She turned to face him, a teasing smile lingered on her lips.

"I don't have any roommates."

"Well, do you want one?"

Again, Kikuchi caught himself opening and closing his mouth. One minute he was contemplating the pain of losing her, and now she's asking to move in with him. She must be toying with him. "Urumi, this isn't funny."

"I'm not laughing. I'm serious." She let out an exasperated sigh. "You're thinking of things that might go wrong. How we'd be able to fit into your place. What I'd do there. How I'd transport all my stuff from Hokkaido—"

"You live in Hokkaido? What the hell are you doing in Hokkaido?"

"I've always wanted to live there, and then I did. Anyway, the point is, you're always thinking of what would go wrong. And here I am thinking that we're both clever enough to get away with anything we want to do. Come now, Kikuchi, has your university education and your girlfriend taught you to be so cautious in life, when back in high school you were just as reckless as the rest of us?"

That struck a chord. He _did_ become more cautious after Onizuka's influence had waned. "But what if—"

"What if you realize that you don't love me anymore or it doesn't work out or I get sick of you or the world falls apart? We deal with it. Like we always do." She shrugged and turned her whole body towards him, enticingly exposing the tops of her breasts.

"This isn't how I imagined this type of conversation would go. We aren't even dressed! You'd think it would make more sense to talk about this with plans, income charts, maps and calculators around."

"Ahh, Kikuchi," she said as she kissed the tip of his nose, "You and I are sensible people. But what we do doesn't always have to make sense. We just do what we do because we can. If Onizuka taught you anything, it's that you have to do what you want to do as soon as you can, before the opportunity gets snatched away from you."

"Urumi," he said as he brushed her cheek with his thumb, "I can't promise you the extravagant lifestyle you're used to. I can't even promise you much. I can't even promise you that we'll be together until the day we die. But I'm not one to make promises. All I know are the facts I have right now. And I'm sure that I'm still as in love with you as the day I realized it in high school. Maybe even more since I know how good you are with your tong—"

"Hey!" She poked his chest with her finger.

He laughed and lunged at her until they were both lying on the floor, Urumi pinned down by his arms. "Come with me. Hell knows what you'll end up doing in Osaka. I have no idea what either of us would be getting into. But I want you to come with me, and I don't think there's anything I wanted more."

Urumi smiled mischievously, raised her head and whispered in his ear, "Come inside me."

_Okay, so maybe there's something I do want more._

_/END/_


End file.
